Walmart won’t hire you?
Do you have thoughts of suicide?
Are you sure your wives is cheating on you can’t prove it?
Do you get sexually aroused by hurting people and animals?
Are you angry your father didn’t pay any attention to you? Hell, are you just plain angry?
Thought about college but just too lazy to work that much?
Do you fear your attraction to the same sex and don’t know what do about?
THEN YOU BE A CANDIDATE FOR THE FAIRFAX COUNTY CITIZENS POLICE ACADEMY!
Learn Law Enforcement from behind the Scenes
The Fairfax County Police Department is accepting applications for the Citizens Police Academy, which teaches residents about
- How to vaguely threaten reporters who ask for the name of cop who gunned down an unarmed citizen.
-How to kill and beat and falsely arrest people of color so it looks like you were only doing your job!
-How to avoid interacting with citizens who may actual fight back and sue you!
-Best of all….you can get away with all of it! That’s right, you can get away with anything!
-The board of supervisors intimidated by us they vote down oversight and say and do nothing when we murder, rob, and beat citizens!
-Don’t believe it? Check our history. It speaks for itself.
APPLICANTS MUST LIVE OR WORK IN THE COUNTY EVEN THOUGH 86% OF US LIVE OUTSIDE THE COUNTY
The program, which is another over the top attempt by us at public relations, is offered free of charge because even though teachers have to bring their own crayons and chalk to work……we pretty much get whatever we want (See above notation on Board of Supervisors)
Acceptance is subject to review of applicant’s criminal record and police contact history, which is code for we’re trying to keep this thing Lilly white.
PARTICIPANTS WILL LEARN ABOUT THE DAILY CHALLENGES FACED BY POLICE OFFICERS INCLUDING:
Where to get free food.
How to shake down Korean massage parlors for free service. (especially the one’s run out of apartments in Reston)
Places to hide while you’re supposed to be working.
Classes will be held on ten consecutive Thursday evenings from 6:30 p.m. to 10 p.m. at various police facilities throughout the county. If you miss a class, we don’t really care because this is all intended to keep our budget padded and make people thing that we aren’t resented and reviled across the county.